Martial: Epigram 3.69 (From Latin)

Epigram 3.69: On Cosconius' G-Rating
By Martial
Translated by A.Z. Foreman

Such seemly words you write with, that in all
Your verse there is not one dick, and no balls.
None's holier. I praise what you have done. 
But all my pages are lubed-up for fun. 
Let slutty girls and pervy kids read me
And old men teased by girlfriends' coquetry,
And leave your venerable pious pages
To celibates and virgins of all ages.

The Original:

Omnia quod scrībis castīs epigrammata verbīs
inque tuīs nūlla est mentula carminibus,
admiror, laudō; nihil est tē sānctius ūnō:
at mea luxuriā pāgina nūlla vacat.
haec igitur nēquam iuvenēs facilēsque puellae,
haec senior, sed quem torquet amīca, legat.
at tua, Cōscōnī, venerandaque sānctaque verba
ā puerīs dēbent virginibusque legī.

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